To See My Own Sins

 [An essay from Fr. Basil Stoyka published in a little flyer entitled, "Orthodox Great Lent - Reflections and Meditations," Feb 1977, Royalton Printing Company]

"Cain said to his brother, 'Let us go into the open country!'  While they were there, Cain attacked his brother, Abel, and murdered him.  Then the Lord said to Cain, 'Where is your brother, Able?' Cain answered, 'I do not know.  AM I MY BROTHER'S KEEPER?'"  

So we have the first murder of mankind recorded in the Old Testament. (Gen 4:8-9)

Cain tried to justify himself before the Lord for his actions.  He said, "Am I my brother's keeper?"  These words have echoed down throughout time.

We, too, try to justify our actions today, just like Cain.  But we haven't killed.  Or have we?

The murder of which I speak is our lack of understanding and love for each other.  Let the Great Fast be our window, a time to view ourselves and see what we will see.  If we're honest with God and with ourselves, we will see that improvement is needed!

The prayer of St. Ephraim which we pray throughout the Great Fast summarizes what is expected of us.

"O Lord and Master of my life - take from me the spirit of sloth, despair, lust of power and idle talk.  But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience and love to Your servant.  O Lord and King, grant that I may see my own transgressions, and not to judge brother or sister, for You are blessed unto ages of ages.  Amen!"

There's a verse from the hymnology for the Third Sunday of the Fast:

"Because of my evil deeds, I, wretched man, dare not gaze with my eyes to heaven.  But like the publican, sighing, I cry to You: 'God, forgive me, a sinner, and deliver me from pharisaic hypocrisy, for You alone are compassionate.'"

Fasting

From "The Shepherd of Hermas"

'This fasting,' he said, 'if the commandments of the Lord are kept, is very good. This, then, is the way that you shall keep the fast. First of all, keep yourself from every evil word and every evil device, and purify your heart from all the vanities of this world. If you keep these things, your fast shall be perfect for you. And thus shall you do. Having fulfilled what is written, on that day on which you fast, you shall taste nothing but bread and water; and from the meals which you would have eaten, you shall reckon up the amount of that day's expenditure, which you would have incurred, and shall give it to a widow, or an orphan, or to one in want, and so shall you humble your soul, that he that received from your humiliation may satisfy his own soul, and may pray for you to the Lord. If then you shall so accomplish this fast, as I have commanded you, your sacrifice shall be acceptable in the sight of God, and this fasting shall be recorded; and the service so performed is beautiful and joyous, and acceptable to the Lord.'

Canon of Saint Andrew of Crete

Each Great Fast begins with Forgiveness Sunday Vespers, in which we pray for blessings as we traverse the path of the Fast.  The next service we encounter is the Great Canon of St. Andrew of Crete.  It is called the "Great Canon" in that it is the longest canon used in the Church.

The Canon is parsed to be prayed over the first four evenings of the first week of the Great Fast, and then again in its entirety on Thursday of the Week St. Mary of Egypt (fifth week).

The Canon is a dialogue between St. Andrew and his soul, in which he urges himself to change his life, focusing on his sinfulness and comparing it to both good and bad examples in Holy Scripture from both the New and the Old Testaments.

And Irmos (the 'initial' Troparion of an Ode in the Canon) begins each section of the Canon.  It is most often sung by a choir, but hopefully by all the gathered faithful.  The Ode 1 Irmos prayer is, A Helper and a Protector has become salvation to me.  This is my God, I will glorify Him!  God of my fathers, I will exult Him, for in glory was He glorified!  Then between following Troparia, the refrain is sung, Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me!

The Canon is gifted to us as a tool to be used to expose to our own souls sins described by a great saint of the Church, and then in ascribing those same sins to ourselves, to seek sincere repentance.

The Great Canon was written by St. Andrew who was seeking the path for the right way to live. If we are to benefit from his great work in gifting this Canon to us, we must make it a priority to stand in prayer, in the church, and not just listen to the words of the Canon, but to pray them - sincerely - with all others present, with a great desire and expectation for God’s grace to teach us and to heal us. Orthodoxy is a faith requiring engagement, it is to be experienced and prayed, and not observed.